A Moment of Weakness
by ScotchandChocolate
Summary: Introspective story involving Sarah making a mistake, Joel making a mistake, and Adam trying to keep it all together. Set after 2x09, so spoilers for anything up till then.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so my first fic. I was watching the scene where Sarah asks Joel to build her a desk, and kinda thought there may be some sort of…friendship/vibe going on there. So I gave the ship a whirl.**

**This will be continued. I'm just beginning to get into Sarah's head here.**

**Ok, so ships. Er. There will be Joel/Julia, Sarah/Gordon, and Joel/Sarah. Weird, right?  
**

**It's weird. And set after 2x09, so spoilers up until then.**

**Oh, and how great does the next eppy look?  
**

**And I own nobody.**

Sarah sat on the steps of the guesthouse, gently gulping copious amounts of wine. The only thoughts in her head were of failure; once again, she had proven herself as the black sheep of the family, the one who could never do anything right.

She was tired. Tired of diffusing the negative thoughts in her head, tired of always having to defend her own characteristics. She couldn't think of anything but the fact that once again, she had failed, and now her brother's company was in even more dire straits.

He had confronted her that afternoon. Sarah wasn't stupid; she had seen how stressed her brother had become over the past few months. It had built up, seemingly since earlier that year when her daughter had slept with _his _daughters' boyfriend. Sarah had screwed that up as well. So she knew. She knew that he had been dealt a rough hand recently with his son, and she knew that she should be appreciative of everything he had done for her.

But beneath that, was the acknowledgement that underneath the helping hand, was the implication that once again, his little sister had needed him to pick up the pieces. She had relied heavily on him; perhaps too heavily, and now she felt the weight of her dependence on her own shoulders. The two siblings who had always been close; closer with each other than with any of their other siblings, now had a broken relationship. Or at least a heavily strained one.

She took another large gulp. And another. Trying to forget about her jealousy in having to send her daughter to talk to _another _woman about her future, because she obviously couldn't do it herself. She was a failure. A woman who couldn't talk to her daughter about college and so had to use her loose-termed boyfriend's old college friend to get her interested. She had used Gordon. And she knew it.

She also knew, deep down, that he was most probably using her. She was no stranger to being used for sex, though. It was a cycle as old to Sarah as the problem of hiding emotions was to Adam. She had low self- esteem. It was easy to see. So when a handsome, rich man persued her, it was almost inevitable that with enough wooing, she would fall for him. She would sleep with him. In a limo. The symbol of his richness. The symbol of everything he was; rich, business-like, too good for her for anything other than a physical relationship. Adam tried, in his stressed out, always angry way, to talk to her, though it seemed like he was lecturing her about past choices.

So when that afternoon, he had taken his frustrations, his anger, out on his sister, for once she had not taken it. She had let a few rogue tears fall, she had _let _herself get angry for the fact that _every _fucking thing she did turned out ballistic. She let herself entertain the idea that maybe, just maybe, she also deserved to let herself go fucking mental like her brother had.

So she had shouted. Shouted at him because her ex-husband had called, most likely high as hell. He had been sweet, asking after his children, almost making her feel like he _wanted _to know what their lives were like. She shouted at Adam because she had fucked up again, had an idea for his company that turned into shambles, taking a lot of the already-swindling amounts of company money with it. And he had walked out.

She re-filled her glass, remembering his last words as she took another large gulp.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't help you any more, Sarah. It's too tiring. For once, try and sort something out yourself."

And he had left, leaving her standing in his office teary-eyed but with dry cheeks, standing in a puddle of self-deprecating thoughts until Gordon had come in about ten minutes later, noticing her through the windows.

He embraced her, asking what was wrong. She muttered something vague about allergies and rushed out, not wanting to fuck that…relationship….however vague the description may be, up as well.

And four hours later, after an arduous dinner listening to her daughter talking about Carly, the successful woman Amber now idolized, and watching her son barely look at her, she found herself slipping through the back door, leaving her parents alone at the table wrapped in a shroud of their own problems.

She wanted someone to tell her that she was ok. That she wasn't a complete failure as a mother, a sister and a human being. She supposed, briefly, that she could call Gordon; she knew he would be sympathetic, even if only to get into her pants again. She could go see him, inevitably fuck him again, and leave before midnight like a cheap hooker. But she wouldn't. It would be too difficult to rationalize with herself how it would be productive to depend on yet another person to make herself feel better. She would stop doing that. Now.

Just as she agreed with herself to stop the self-destructive path she had been on for thirty eight years, a cab pulled up.

She staggered to her feet, stumbling slightly under the weight of half…wait...an entire bottle of wine, and wandered over to where her brother in law, Joel, was stumbling himself, attempting to get out of the cab.

She was astounded, having never seen him be anything other than rock-like, and offered him a hand.

"Thanks, Sarah." She muttered a "no problem", and watched him hand the driver a crisp twenty. Realizing that she wanted…no, needed, for her sister's sake, to know what was going on, she grabbed his hand, asking if he was ok. He stuttered a response, obviously distressed.

"Yeah. I just, er, had a few too many and Julia is already pissed at me. Thought it'd be best to crash here tonight."

"Oh, ok. Let's, er, get you some water, in the kitchen. Which is, you know, that way." She pointed to the house, not pointing out the obvious fallacy in his reasoning. Obviously, if he stayed out all night, it would seem _much _worse to her sister, but she was no-one to complain about that.

She grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the house, both half-stumbling, giggling slightly to themselves as they tripped on a medium-sized rock simultaneously, cursing the naturistic appearance of the Bravermans' back garden.

They finally reached the kitchen, suddenly neither feeling that interested in a non-alcoholic beverage. Sarah remembered the blackberry brandy half-finished in the cupboard from the time she had drank in the kitchen with Jim half naked, and opened the cupboard.

"Something a little more substantial? This is disgusting…and delicious. It's blackberry brandy. Which is a weird combination anyway, but…" she drifted off as he grabbed the bottle, taking a large swig of the liquor. "Yeah….you see? It's disgustio-delicious. Really."

He laughed, loudly, and suddenly realizing that there were four slumbering souls upstairs, Sarah pulled him outside again, giggling herself as she realized the absurdity of the situation.

She had gotten drunk on a bottle of wine, feeling depressed and alone, and then her brother-in law, the most _perfect _husband alive, had shown up wasted and needing a place to sleep.

"What's so funny?" He grinned, amused.

"Not-not-nothing. It's just you're here. And I'm here. Drunk. Well. You're drunk. I'm not really. Kinda. Like half-drunk. I guess. It's just funny." She grabbed the bottle, swigging a good few shots worth before handing the bottle back over. "So. What made you also feel the need for a good – _hiccup – _night of getting wasted?"

"Julia. She well…I don't know if I should be talking to you about this, being, ya know, her sister, but she, er….she's been distant. You know we've been trying for a baby, and I just…I don't know. I'm not that into it, I don't think. And she sees that, and now she's distant. Something is going on. Someone else. Maybe. God." He collapsed his head into his hands, and not really knowing what to do, Sarah reached over and put her hand on his arm, wondering if it would be appropriate or not to pull him into a hug.

She decided that yes, a hug would probably be a good idea, so she embraced him, letting him pull her close…possibly a little too close for a woman and her brother in law to be hugging. But, she rationalized, he needed a hug. That's it.

So she pressed her palms flat against his back, moving her hands in circular motions meant to soothe, and felt him press his face into her hair. He wasn't crying. But he was silent.

Sarah felt the impulse to move back suddenly, fearing the hug taking on a new dimension, and pulled back slightly, still holding onto his shoulders.

He looked up at her, and possibly seeing his alone-ness and messed up mind reflected in her eyes, he started to move closer.

_Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea. Move away. _Sarah's mind took on a mantra-like chant. But she couldn't move. And when his lips finally met hers, she felt nothing more than a glowing admiration that finally, she felt some odd sense of co-dependence. She was, obviously, kissing him back to make herself feel better. But it felt oddly good to know that he kissed her to ultimately make himself feel better. They were on the same wavelength; doing nothing more than making themselves feel better.

That thought made her stop briefly, before she relented to his tongue palming her lower lip, and she became a more active participant in the kiss, tugging on his bottom lip, letting her own tongue caress his as he moaned slightly.

They pulled away with another brief kiss, and suddenly Sarah's mind was filled with thoughts of Julia, and Gordon, and Sydney, and _what the fuck did I just do?_

_**Reviews are like fooood to me!**  
_


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, so I may come down hard on Julia in this chapter. That is born purely from my personal dislike of the character; don't be put off by it.**

**More of Adam in this chappy, some Zeek, some MIKE! (hell yeah).**

**Shippings this chapter: Mike/Sarah, Adam/Kristina if you squint, Sarah/Gordon, Joel/Sarah.**

**It may seem like the story is moving very slowly, but I'm really trying to get into people's heads. **

**As this is mostly a story that explores the thoughts and introspection of a character, there is little dialogue. Mainly I just suck at dialogue.**

**Rating: T for bad, bad words and an ickle bit of smut. Or smutty thoughts. Oh well.**

**I still own nobody.**

Sarah woke up surprisingly hangover free. What she felt, she reasoned, was far worse. She was no stranger to feeling shame; it was an emotion she frequently found herself experiencing, most likely since adolescence. Mixed in with the shame, was concern. Concern over what she was going to do, sure. But also concern for what had compelled her brother in law to reach out to her in the first place.

It was no secret that Julia and Joel had problems. Joel didn't seem at all enthralled with the idea of having another child, seeming to feel that this would mean that while Julia galavanted at work as usual, he would be left with extra work. It was that simple. Julia didn't comprehend the enormity of raising another child because the fact was that she wasn't raising her daughter now. She would complain over and over again about her own inability to put her own life on hold for her daughter.

Sarah supposed that he was sick of it. And, honestly, though she loved her sister to pieces, she didn't blame him. As someone who had gone the opposite route; had become so devoted to her own children that her own dreams had never been fulfilled, she didn't understand her sister's consistent 'want it all' attitude. But Sarah was one who had been trapped into a life of not having achieved a single one of her dreams. Julia was the winner; Sarah was the loser. It had been that way her entire life; Sarah was the black sheep, the child who would dream and draw and read to escape reality, so much that eventually she fell into the typical 'wrong crowd', getting into drugs and alcohol, and truly becoming the family loser.

She had always accepted it. There was, to Sarah, no use in attempting to change her nature; for the characteristics that were truly _her, _were the ones that tended to get her into trouble. So she was left the inevitable black sheep.

Sarah got tired of her own inner ramblings, and finally escaped from her bed. She would put the fact that she had kissed her _brother in law_ – a lot – out of her mind. She would get on with her day, adding this to the list of things that she had fucked up. She worried briefly that Joel would tell Julia, but then came the inevitable realization that Julia was an absentee wife as well as mother, and it would be hard for Joel to pin her down long enough to tell her.

So with a heavy heart, and a foreboding attitude, Sarah went about preparing for her day. She had to work at T and S all morning, and would leave for home at five. She would change, and head to the bar for 8, getting home again at 1am. As she brushed her teeth, showered and went about choosing an outfit, she rationalized to herself, as she did every morning, that _I do it for the kids. I have to do this._

She walked out of the guesthouse, running straight into her father. Zeek was still wearing his bathrobe, holding a cup of coffee in one hand, a crumpled paper in the other.

"Hey, sweetheart, thought you, you know, might like a coffee. Oh, and me and your mother are taking Amber and Drew shopping today. Is that ok?" He sounded apologetic. No doubt Adam had filled him in on their disagreement the day before, and now her father wanted to strengthen their ties again.

"Thanks dad. And yeah, that's fine. Don't spend too much, though. I'll, er, have to take the coffee with me. You know, to work. In the car. I'm going now." She stuttered.

Zeek stared at his daughter, trying to gage how she was feeling, after Adam's outburst. He was torn on two sides, along with his wife. He knew that Adam had been dealt a rough hand with Max, but he also knew that this one situation seemed to dominate the entire family, something he knew his eldest daughter felt. He might now be the 'feeling man', but that didn't mean he didn't _see _what was going on behind closed eyes; he merely never knew how to respond to it.

He handed Sarah the full cup of strong black coffee, and walked her to her car.

"You know, Sarah, I, er, spoke to your brother Adam this morning." He spoke uncertainly.

"Dad can we just not. Not this morning, okay? I have to be at work in twenty minutes, then my day is just packed. Please, can we leave this till tomorrow?" She spoke at a mile a minute, which spoke volumes to her father about her mental state.

"Sure, honey. Just find me tomorrow. I see you, I hear you."

Sarah made a 'yeuch' sound at hearing the therapists' colloquialism, and left for T and S.

…

Sitting in the break room, Adam held his head on one arm, fingering the handle of his coffee cup with the other. Max had an outburst that morning, he had a fight with his sister the day before, his father had yelled at him that morning, and to top it all off his favourite coffeehouse had stopped selling his favourite beverage. Routine was seemingly what was missing on this sunny day, and Adam chuckled at the thought that in at least this one way, he was a little like Max. Neurotic when his routine was messed up.

He remembered Sarah's first day at work. He had been preoccupied; she had been annoying. He supposed he should have been used to it; after all, every day for his last two years of high school he had driven Sarah to the same school, most often late because she was primping for her jackass boyfriend of the week.

That thought inevitably led to his exasperation at Gordon and Sarah's first meeting. He had…fucking…been _right there _when Gordon had let his eyes wander, and had watched his boss' eyes stick to his sister's legs for at least a few moments. At the time, he had thought _oh no, not again, _thinking that once again, his little sister would sleep with the jerk and be left broken hearted. It was a routine, he rationalized, but one that he _didn't _want to see repeated. Gordon was renowned for seeing a woman with a good body, fucking her, and then leaving, having gotten what he wanted. And now he was after his partner's sister.

He took a large sip of his coffee, finally moving from his head-in-hand position to take a bite of the sandwich Kristina had prepared for him; some healthy salad stuffing that tasted like crap since she wouldn't let him have peanut butter and jelly anymore.

He watched his colleagues, waving hello to the ones he had gotten to know in his fifteen years at T and S, noticing that Mike was moving to sit across from him.

_Great, _he thought, _another man Sarah left with a broken heart._ At least he was fairly certain she hadn't _screwed _Mike.

"Hey, boss man. Mind if I, er, sit down?"

"Go for it." _Try to sound sane. Try to sound sane. Try to sound sane._

"Thanks. So, what's with the _I just got dumped by a crack whore _look on your face?"

Adam gulped, not really wanting to talk.

"It's nothing. Really. So. What's up?"

"Nada. Trying to figure out what's going on with the Philly's game next week. You in the pool?"

Happy to be talking about something not Max or Braverman related, Adam relaxed.

"Ah no I completely forgot, who is running it this time?"

"That would be our fantastic boss, boss man." Adam had to chuckle; obviously Mike had, like most of T and S, heard of Sarah and Gordon's….relationship?

"Right. Of course. I think he told me about it."

A lull went unnoticed by both as they ate, until Mike seemed to not be able to stand…something.

"So. Has, er, has Sarah talked to you at all about us?"

_Here we go._

"Uhm, no. She hasn't really mentioned anything."

"It's just weird, you know. Cus we went out a few times, and had a great time. She seemed to. Now I hear she's with Gordon? How did that even happen?"

_Fuck. Fuck. _

"Well I don't know Mike. To be honest, I have no idea what's going on there. Me and Sarah haven't exactly talked about it." _Did I say too much?_

"hmm…well I've got to get moving. Wouldn't want to give the Uber boss man even more ammo against me right?"

Mike left the break room, leaving Adam sat in an even doomier frame of mind than before. _Fucking A._

…..

Sarah sat at her workstation, trying to focus on what she was supposed to be drawing. She felt unsettled; usually, art was a way for her to work through her mental woes. But today, she wasn't feeling it. She couldn't concentrate. Her thoughts were on Joel once again. Well, not the man specifically; more the situation they stumbled upon.

Truthfully, Sarah had noticed him on a sexual level before. He was, to put it lightly, a fox. He was more her type than Gordon was, that was for sure. He was gruff, slightly scruffy, the only thing missing an artisty-writery kind of apparition that she was usually attracted to. But then again, Gordon didn't have that either.

She turned her thoughts to her other recent suitor, Mike. Twiddling her pencil between her fingers, she wondered briefly if she had hurt him too badly. She was very, very attracted to him from the moment she met him. He was attractive, and had a confidence about him that said volumes about what he would be like in bed. Sarah liked him. He certainly seemed to like her.

Sipping from a cup of lukewarm coffee that sat on her desk, she remembered their doomed double date with Adam and Kristina. She had felt more unsettled then than she had in a long time, and made up for it by talking. A lot. Mike had gotten very drunk, and as they sat drinking coffee after Adam and Kristina had gone, admitted that he found her talkative nature 'cute', and asked about their next date.

Sarah had balked, not knowing what to say. And as he had kissed her as they parted ways, grabbing her hips and exploring her mouth with his tongue, she had realized what a _bad, bad _mistake it would be to sleep with her co-worker after one date. She had kissed him back, letting him press her lightly against the wall, feeling his arousal against her leg. It was only when his hands had begun to wander; his left drifting up to graze against her breast, that she uttered that she'd see him in the morning.

_Beep. _The monotonous sound disrupted Sarah from her fruitful thoughts, and she turned to her computer to see a new instant message on the company's personalized internet system.

GordonF: Hey, you got chocolate pudding today? I'm bored. Come keep me company.

She knew he most likely wanted to fool around with the blinds closed in his office. He was the type of professional that was professional because he was so charmingly _un-professional. _Dating an intern was definitely evidence for that. But she couldn't help wanting, needing to feel better about her current predicament.

SarahB: Give me five minutes.

She swivelled around in her chair, telling her supervisor that she was taking her lunch break, and, grabbing her brown paper bag from her feet, made her way through the corridors to Gordon's office.

He was sitting, staring at his computer screen. His hair was, as always, causing him some annoyance as it repeatedly fell forward from its pushed back position. Sarah smiled. He really was adorable, and sexy. He had a body that, while not her type, was sexy nonetheless. Strong. Sarah got the feeling that being wrapped in his arms would be the safest feeling. But she couldn't'.

She knocked briefly, before silently making her way into his office, dropping into the chair opposite him and throwing him the aforementioned chocolate pudding. He smiled, gratefully, taking a bite, before handing her a spoon full of chocolate.

Feeling somewhat lighter already, Sarah giggled. She accepted the spoon, listening to him talk about some supplier, making jokes about the man's tie. He eventually seemed to notice that his lunch buddy wasn't her usual talkative self, and stood, moving around the desk.

Sarah shivered as he lightly grasped her upper arms, pulling her into a standing position. He quickly scanned the corridors outside his office, and then leaned in, kissing her lightly. He tasted like chocolate as he moaned, and Sarah found herself moving closer to him as she pulled her lips away. His hands rested around her waist as he lightly pressed himself against her, looking into her face.

"What's up? You don't seem your usual…exuberant self…." He seemed genuinely concerned.

"It's nothing, really. You might of, er, heard yesterday. Me and Adam had, uh, a fight. And we don't usually do that. I mean we fight all the time but we don't fight fight. Does that make sense?"

He nodded, asking her silently to continue, but Sarah shook her head, thinking that if she started talking now, she would inevitably somehow let it spill that she had kissed Joel, and though she knew that this…fling…with Gordon was somewhat casual, it wouldn't be the best idea.

"It's nothing, really. I was just hoping that you could take my mind off a few things." _Flirting. Sex. Good idea. Distraction._

"Well I can certainly do that." He scanned the neighbouring corridors again, and seeing them empty, grasped her lips in a harder, more passionate kiss.

…

Joel walked through the corridors of T and S, looking for either Braverman sibling. After a night of almost no sleep, he had figured that the only way to get Sarah out of his head would be to confront her. So, after dropping Sydney off at her new best friends' house, he had found himself wandering aimlessly through the corridors of T and S Shoes, completely lost. He had never visited before, and sighed in relief at seeing the light _Adam Braverman _written on glass walls.

At a loss of what to do, he knocked lightly.

Having recently returned from lunch, Adam looked up at the knock on his office door. He saw Joel Graham, his brother in law, stood uncertainly, looking a lot like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He motioned for him to come in, and stood up with a look of surprise stretched across his face.

"Joel! Hey man, what's up?" Adam shook Joel's hand firmly, in confusion.

"Actually, I wanted to find Sarah. See, it's about this, er, surprise thing we're planning for…..Julia's birthday. I need her opinion on one of the presents."

Adam looked slightly sceptical, knowing that Julia's birthday was at least a month away, but seemed to accept that Joel just wanted to get a head start.

"Yeah, sure. Well I'm not sure where she is exactly, but come on. I'll take you down to the design department."

"Thanks, man."

Joel was hit by a hurricane of nervousness as they stood outside the design department doors, but after looking inside, Adam concluded that she wasn't there.

"Erm well you can wait in my office if you want. She probably went out for lunch. But I just need to stop by Gordon's office and get a few papers."

_Shit, _Joel thought. Gordon as in…Gordon. The man Sarah was supposedly seeing, or screwing, or something. He slowly followed Adam through the hallowed hallways, bumping into him as his brother in law stopped short. He turned to question him, but followed his line of sight instead, gasping as he took in the scene of Sarah and Gordon making out, rounding second base….

**Keep reading! And remember, reviews are food to me.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Holla, back for more?**

**Rated M for sexual thoughts.**

**More of Adam and Joel in this chappy, and a bit of Amber!**

**Warning: Talk of abuse. It's heavy, and I hope I handled it okay.  
**

**Pairings: Adam/Kristina, Sarah/Gordon, Sarah/Joel**

**Enjoy, and remember that reviews are food!**

**Oh, and I still own nada ****.**

Adam had not had the greatest of days. Or the greatest of years, really. And as he ended his day with a cold beer, sitting out on the front steps of his house because he fucking _couldn't _face his family, he was both filled with angsty thoughts and numb at the same time. Max had experienced another outburst, one that left him raw and emotional. Added to that fact, that afternoon, he had learned that once again, his little sister had screwed up. Or, his _perfect _brother in law had screwed up.

After Joel had seemed reluctant to move from one spot that afternoon, watching Sarah practically dry humping her boss in his office, Adam had forced himself to ask what was going on, completely unprepared for the answer.

It all seemed so fucking…trivial. He didn't want to become some sort of _pity-me _guy who has one downfall in life and can't get over it, but he just couldn't help but feel that his family was completely unsupportive of his situation with Max. And his situation with T and S. And his situation in a marriage where he couldn't even give his wife a fucking orgasm. They all had their own problems and their own lives, and he couldn't help but resent them for it. It may be wrong, but watching his sister sleep her way through his office, staying out all night…..her life just seemed so trivial at the moment.

And Julia. Adam was filled with protectiveness for his youngest sister; a somewhat unfamiliar feeling. Sarah had always _needed _his protection; had always depended on him. He knew it wasn't intentional, and it most likely wasn't something she was proud of. But it was a fact. She screwed up enough to warrant concern, whereas Julia's perfectly sketched-out and applied life usually didn't concern him too much. Until now. Now, Adam wanted to protect his sister from his other sister. Who he couldn't even face.

He stood abruptly, deciding that he just freaking couldn't sit there, feeling sorry for himself for another minute. He carefully wandered around his own home, feeling unfamiliar to his own furnishings and out of place as he tactfully told Kristina that he was 'going to get some milk for the morning'. She had wavered slightly, but was for the most part unassuming and accepting as he walked out the door.

He had to talk some sense into his sister. Make her see what she was doing to _every _fucking person around her. Maybe tell her that she should have left Berkley months ago.

He got into his car, ignoring the two beers he had ingested, and started for his parents' home.

…..

Joel was neither shocked nor mad when he learned that Julia wouldn't make it home until eight that evening. He had returned from T and S hours ago, sitting on the same spot on the couch, having called Angelina…Angela…whatever Sydney's new best friends name was, asking if she could spend the night there.

He nursed a beer, wrinkling the paper label slightly with his fingers. He had made another mistake today. Adam knew. And Joel knew the Bravermans' well enough to know that _nothing _would stay a secret for too long. Eventually, the truth would come out. Which meant that eventually, Julia would find out.

He wondered why everybody thought Julia was the golden child. She had beauty, brains and success, sure. But Adam had a successful job and family, and even Crosby had that fucking houseboat. Joel surmised that Sarah was a little harder to categorise; merely because she had bucket-loads of brains and potential; and dreams that had gone by, leaving her trapped in a pit of black sheep. He could certainly relate to the feeling of letting _yourself _down, of having no fucking way to escape your own inability to do _anything _right.

Mayb_e _that's why he kissed her. He saw the same self-deprecating loneliness he felt reflected in her eyes.

Now, sitting alone on his couch – the couch his partner had paid nearly a thousand dollars for, he felt completely out of place. Like he didn't fit into the mighty life Julia craved and, in her winners' nature, was experiencing. He couldn't even think of her, really. Couldn't remember how she smelled, what exact shade of blue her eyes were.

But he knew that Sarah smelled of a mixture of vanilla and lavender, and that her eyes were like weather-blue. She tasted vaguely cinnamon-y, with an underlying sweetness that made his cheeks blush.

And given the fact that he had been horny as hell for weeks – Julia rarely had time for that aspect of their relationship, he now couldn't stop thinking of her sister sexually.

He chugged a large amount of beer, rising to greet the fridge by pressing his head into it, trying to cool his reddening cheeks down. Sarah was hot, sure; he had known that for years. Checking out her long legs when Julia wasn't looking, her perky breasts, and a fucking _perfect _ass. He knew that. But Joel had never actually felt this attraction before; he supposed it was an aesthetic appreciation before, that had now revolutionized into a full blown sexual attraction. And there was nothing he could do about it.

…

Adam pulled into the gravelly driveway of his parents' suburban home, noticing that his sisters' car was not in its usual place. He decided to stop in anyway, walking slowly but surely through the kitchen door.

Amber was sitting alone in a wooden chair, the exact picture of her mother as she read...what was it? That book Sarah was obsessed with for years? Something Jonathon Livingston Seagull, anyway.

She slowly became aware of his presence as he lifted his hand in a typical Adam Braverman half-wave, saying a quick 'hey' before sliding into a chair opposite her.

'Are your grandparents around?' Maybe he could at least get fucking Zeek onto his side. Or explain himself. Amber looked up tiredly, letting him see wary blue-green eyes clouded by a strand of black hair.

'Erm no. They went somewhere with Crosby and Jabbar.' She left out her mother, obviously having heard about _the _argument. He hesitantly continued.

'Your mom?'

'Gordon's.'

_Fucking awesome. _

'Right. So that's like a real thing now, huh, your mom and Gordon?' _Fishing for details? You are an asshole, Adam._

'I guess. I'm sorta happy about it, though.'

That threw Adam for a loop. What? Wasn't Amber supposed to be pissed that her mom was once again screwing some nameless idiot?

'You are? I thought you'd, uh, not be too happy about it.' _Tread lightly._

She paused to flick her shoulder-length hair slightly, in a move completely imitative of her mother. Her expression darkened momentarily, as if her mind was in a deep debate. She seemed to come to a decision, and spoke softly.

'Well, it's just that you know that my dad treated her pretty terribly, right?'

Adam knew Seth had been an asshole, but that, he thought, was the extent of it. Amber looked at her uncle pleadingly, as if she was encouraging him to understand. But he couldn't.

'I, er, know that he wasn't….the best husband and father, yeah.'

'It was more than that.'

Even through their argument the day before, that statement made Adam's mind stop, concern for his sister and her children taking over.

'Amber, what happened with your dad?'

She sighed, sitting up straight as if preparing herself for battle.

'Mom didn't want any of you to know, you know. She wanted to handle it all herself. She bought concealer, she didn't let any of you know when dad would disappear for days at a time.'

Adam paled, realizing that while he had been full of anger at his sisters' actions, he had missed a whole dangerous, damaging part of her life.

He made a move, sitting up, engaging his niece with eye contact.

'Amber. Did Seth..hit you?'

She chuckled slightly as if in disbelief.

'No. He didn't hit _me._'

And that was it. Adam's mind was filled with anger. Anger at himself, at his family. How could they not fucking see it? He sighed, letting her see his reaction through his eyes, unable to respond.

'Does Drew know?'

'No. Mom didn't want him to – the only reason I know is because I saw it one night.' She paused again, letting air into her lungs before continuing. 'We had come home from school. It was four, maybe four fifteen in the afternoon. Dad was asleep in the couch – that's what mom told us. His eyes were bloodshot, and there was a syringe lying next to him. She told us to go into the bathroom and wait until she came to get us. I got Drew in there, and just stood in the doorway. Mom woke him up, and he was so…out of it. He didn't know who she was, he thought she was a demon. So he, uh, grabbed her arms….and shoved her against the wall. He just started hitting her…but she hit back. And he was knocked out. That was the night we left dad, and moved into the motel.'

Adam's face was a mask of anger as she finished. There was so much he hadn't known…so much nobody knew. For a second he wondered why Amber even told him, before he realized that in a very smart way, she had found out about his fight with Sarah, and was defending her mother, explaining her frazzled mindset. He couldn't talk; couldn't move. He managed to look up briefly as she continued.

'Gordon is light-hearted. He's casual. It's what she needs right now, and for me that outweighs any discomfort you may feel. I'm sorry.'

He nodded, responding to her next words asking him not to repeat what she told him.

'I won't – for now. But Amber…nobody knows. You guys went through a terrifyingly terrible ordeal, and nobody knows.'

She sighed, seeming to prepare an answer.

'It's not my story to tell. I didn't want to tell you; I had to. You needed to understand where mom's coming from, and it's not easy for you sometimes. But eventually, she will break down and talk about it. Hopefully.'

Adam was then filled with an overwhelming proudness for his niece. For being so fucking wise at sixteen; for loving her mother like she did. He understood. He fucking understood his sister now more than ever.

And at the back of his mind, her actions against him were explained; her trysts were not thoughtless and impulsive. They were a way of making her feel better. He thought of his own perfect little life, and suddenly felt like he hadn't been through all that he felt he had. And he wanted to talk about it; not punch someone in a supermarket.

But first, he had to talk to Joel..or Sarah, and figure out what they were going to do.


End file.
